alroight, chap, so I lied.

Fine. No post on Christmas. I don't think you're dying, however :)

Is this for myself or you?

Okay, so, Christmas was nice and what I expected it to be. It really wasn't bad. I like my family sometimes.

But more importantly...
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....
.....
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I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO ACTUAL LONDON TOMORROW :) HUZZAHHHHHH. Woah mayne woah. I'M GOING TO LONDON. Alright. Who's excited?

I'm excited :)

So basically.
No posting for a week.
No posting probably for a while.
London, then straight to school.
I AM SO PUMPED. Definitely better than Christmas this year :)
LONDON :)
Alright. Well.
You folks have a goodnight, ya hear?
I will be seeing you in a week.
No worries, I'll send a postcard ;)

Christmas Christmas CHRISTMASSSSSSSS stuff.

Tomorrow's title will be bigger. Just you wait. Because it is CHRISTMAS. And I LOVEEEEEEEEE Christmas. Not gonna lie. Though I guess you didn't think I was, anyways.

I can't help but notice all the obligatory Christmas statuses everywhere. They're actually quite nice for this ONE period of the year. Christmas. Is just. Nice. It really just is. I can't help it. I'm a junkie. I can tolerate the statuses. I love Christmas.

Haha.

But no, the thing about it is the ATMOSPHERE. I mean, everywhere, for most people, everything and everyone just seems to get along and love everybody no matter who they are. Especially in families. I guess I just love the sense of community it brings because everyone is joining together to celebrate just a fantastic time of year.
You don't even have to be a Christian.

Yes, this is the time of Jesus' birth and what not, and hey! Nothing wrong with that. You go, Jesus. Look at you being another year older. I love that aspect about it.

But most importantly, whether you're Christian or Jewish or Muslim or what the heck ever, the affect of the time is so strong and so far-reaching, most people just can't help but get involved.

I have a Jewish side of the family and a Christian side. Granted, the Jews aren't the most Orthodox, in every sense of the word, pun included, but they still gave my grandma a Christmas gift and they still usually travel with us to Roanoke to see Mom's entire side of the family, and they even say amen at supper. And everywhere, people are like that. Maybe it's a bandwagon thing. But I like to believe that everybody just likes to be happy and get along.

The gifts are just kinda like a bonus.

I really love listening to Christmas music, I like putting in the same dusty tapes in year after year, I like baking, and I like wrapping. I like decorating trees.

This is my tree. It's nice.

I think the oboe on top is a nice touch :)

So basically yeah. I'm a Christmas fan. I do Christmas-y things. I give Christmas gifts. I'm normal. But I love the spirit of Christmas most of all. It's worth noting since we hardly ever see it these days anymore. The cat stops chasing the mouse and we all eat nice food together. I like communities. I like peace.

God bless the world. Let there be peace among men. And most of all, I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas with your families. I may be a hypocrite when I say this, but cherish your families, cause they are important. Peace out ya'll! :)

Reflect, little mirror, reflect.

Wow, so much reflection. So much has happened in the last few days that has been completely overwhelming, but reading a friend's few words on 2011 has gotten me into the "New Beginning" spirit. It's almost 2012, baby :)

In 2012, I:
will be in London for a few days.
will graduate from high school.
will go to college.
will do something purposeful with my life.
WILL find new love :)
will find and maintain my inspiration.
will continue to enjoy the same friendships that I refuse to let go of.
will make new friends.
won't be able to say for sure what I will do because the future is mysterious.

I can't wait. Because I will rise above myself a step up from before and will enjoy it.


In other news, my grandpa died last night. This is not something I wish to announce, but felt that I needed to honor him in my own way.
Dealing with death leading up to yesterday made me think about how unfair it is, yet at the same time, how beautiful it kinda is. It sharpens the mind. It floods people with pure sorrow that is unwanted yet so entirely refreshing. I feel cleansed and washed away. I feel like I can see clearly. I reflect back to those times so long ago when he would play baseball with me with my little plastic bat and ball or when he would chase me and my friends around, the scariest thing in the world. I remember how much he loved my dogs and all dogs, how the first thing out of his mouth in recent conversations was an inquiry as to the well-being of my furballs, and the way his eyes lit up when he was thinking about them. Or the way he religiously set out birdseed at their house for the regulars; they were his life. And the way he was so loved by all he met and all who knew him; he was a great man, and people were just drawn to that. Or even, when I was older and could understand, the way we talked politics and how passionate he was about the Middle East; no one dared talked to him about that if they wanted to escape quickly. Up to the end, he was hysterical, making jokes about drinking and sex, even when he didn't have his teeth in. The man knew how to have fun and, I swear, the room would twinkle with his happiness.
I'm going to miss him.

I wrote a poem about the last day I saw him, last Saturday, but, not only that, trying to capture his essence as well. It means a lot to me. Tell me what you think.

I Will Remember

One day you asked me,

not so long ago,

to paint for you.

To paint for you those you cannot see

and will never again hear.

Grandpa,

I painted for you

and for all the world,

I'm glad I did.

Red,

for the sweater vest she wore,

as she scribbled

the foreign symbols

that made perfect sense to you.

And she wore black,

dripped with turquoise

and splashing everywhere,

you loved her,

we know she loved you.

And the navy blue shirt he wore,

with his white memory box,

the latest and greatest,

you probably didn't understand,

but, if you could try,

you would.

Then she,

in her kerchief,

and you in your gown,

like something out of the Night Before,

 joined as she kissed you

without a sound.

All this I sketched,

no questions asked,

rapidly as time ticked on,

to put in the album

that will always last.

If only I had,

if only I had...

the words still burn,

was it enough?

Did I use the right pastels?

I can't be certain,

but I hope that it's true,

that you will always remember.

If not,

 I'll remember for you.

That's all for me today. Count down to London, Christmas, and New Year's ready to begin :) God bless. 

Love.

Elks and homes and lights and things.

Break may appear to let people off the hook. But I'm here to tell you...
I am totally as busy as I usually am.

Dumb oboe that takes up luggage room and space. Darn.
So many nice, lovely friends to see, waaaay not enough time.

Please try to stay out of that sort of trouble. I'm sucha mom.

And then, I just see how you were hurt and I'm sorry I acted the way that I did because that didn't help anything. And I wish I could take it back, because you are a sensitive and loving individual. And I just want you to be happy.

And I want to work with you. Well...it's not just you, but everyone else too. I want to share tearful and emotional moments with you, but my stupidity always holds me back. Not consciously, but because I won't give myself a break. I'm working on it.

Rawr rawr, sometimes I feel like a dinosaur stomping through a jungle angrily.

SO MANY PRETTY COLORS. I love Christmas.

Today I listened to practically nothing but Christmas music. It was nice.

Grandpa, I love you. <3

Now would be a good time for prayers, happy thoughts, and miracles.

Oh bloggity blog blog.

Oh man. Well I haven't really done much lately for this.
New phone.
Newfound ability to blog from said phone.
Build up build up build up.
Much frustration.
A bit of tension.

I just might explode soon.

You, stop it.
You, come here and make me happy.
You make me happy.
I miss a whole lot of you. Hang out?
Don't be mean please.
I am concerned for you. And you.

Sorry, just a few things I needed to say.

I still like mangoes :)

Four days til break!
I will be leaving for London at this moment in two weeks :)

And thank a whole bunch of you.

P.S. Look at how cute a kid I was :) and look at how cute Poppa is :) Daaaaw.

Behind slightly opened doors.

Well, it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? When was it last? I have no clue, but I feel bad so I am willing myself to do this.
Alright.
Here I go.

Hmmm...well, for starters, guess who I saw in concert last Friday? If you answered Jeff Carl, YOU WOULD BE CORRECT :) Not gonna lie, huge crack addict fan of his, bless him, and remember remember when I posted supportive things of him a while ago? Yeah! That was really nice and incredibly touching. He inspires me thoroughly.

The weekend was way long, a bit painful, both physically and mentally, and I am proud to say that this has been one of the few limited times of super sadness. But I think it might be better now, so I am working on contentedness and peace :)

Still, sorry, love. You know I mean it. And I'm trying to be better. Perhaps the days of happiness and joviality are soon to be upon us :) Christmas Christmas Christmas.

Alright, now for the rest of you. Saturday was lovely, I was pushed fairly far out of my comfort zone, but I think you would agree that it was needed. I know there is a lot I still need to say and a lot you still want/need to know and I think that the exchange will take place, if not slowly. I am sorry I have hurt you, even if perhaps  it is not hurt exactly, and you should know I am absolutely trying hard to change and will try hard. I love you all and there is lots of love and trust and jank, so...no worries, kay?

Can we bake cookies some time? Please? All of you :)

Hmm hmm hmm..what else? OH. I totally helped my former calc teacher decorate for Christmas yesterday when I was working at her house. She hung little horns up and a garland of fake pine and more of that around some lamp posts. It was nice and made me wish we decorated. But, cute story. When we were plugging in this fake garland (for it had pretty little lights all throughout it), she started talking to a cute metal hedgehog the way one might talk to a pet. It was adorable, not crazy, because she was like "Mr. Hedgehog, do you want a job? (Here she lifts the hedgehog and puts the extension cord under it) Here, sit on this. Good, that's good. Comfortable?" GOD BLESS HER. She is the most loving human being I have ever met and she cares about everything and everyone so genuinely. Plus, she is one of the cutest old ladies I have ever seen :) That made my day so much.

And this budget project. Well, after actually applying for power for an apartment I am pretending to buy in Washington D.C. with fake info and a landlord that lives on the property named Jill Jones and a telephone number that has actually only three different digits and after sending an apologetic and frantic email immediately after after realizing what I had done and finding the electricity rates on their page after all, I have had it up to my eyeballs with this thing. And that's only one teensy part of my project. Mad and sad face.

Alright, time to take down the utilities, which are extremely hard, by the way, for anyone who cares to know. Wish me luck!