alroight, chap, so I lied.

Fine. No post on Christmas. I don't think you're dying, however :)

Is this for myself or you?

Okay, so, Christmas was nice and what I expected it to be. It really wasn't bad. I like my family sometimes.

But more importantly...
...
....
.....
....
...
I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO ACTUAL LONDON TOMORROW :) HUZZAHHHHHH. Woah mayne woah. I'M GOING TO LONDON. Alright. Who's excited?

I'm excited :)

So basically.
No posting for a week.
No posting probably for a while.
London, then straight to school.
I AM SO PUMPED. Definitely better than Christmas this year :)
LONDON :)
Alright. Well.
You folks have a goodnight, ya hear?
I will be seeing you in a week.
No worries, I'll send a postcard ;)

Christmas Christmas CHRISTMASSSSSSSS stuff.

Tomorrow's title will be bigger. Just you wait. Because it is CHRISTMAS. And I LOVEEEEEEEEE Christmas. Not gonna lie. Though I guess you didn't think I was, anyways.

I can't help but notice all the obligatory Christmas statuses everywhere. They're actually quite nice for this ONE period of the year. Christmas. Is just. Nice. It really just is. I can't help it. I'm a junkie. I can tolerate the statuses. I love Christmas.

Haha.

But no, the thing about it is the ATMOSPHERE. I mean, everywhere, for most people, everything and everyone just seems to get along and love everybody no matter who they are. Especially in families. I guess I just love the sense of community it brings because everyone is joining together to celebrate just a fantastic time of year.
You don't even have to be a Christian.

Yes, this is the time of Jesus' birth and what not, and hey! Nothing wrong with that. You go, Jesus. Look at you being another year older. I love that aspect about it.

But most importantly, whether you're Christian or Jewish or Muslim or what the heck ever, the affect of the time is so strong and so far-reaching, most people just can't help but get involved.

I have a Jewish side of the family and a Christian side. Granted, the Jews aren't the most Orthodox, in every sense of the word, pun included, but they still gave my grandma a Christmas gift and they still usually travel with us to Roanoke to see Mom's entire side of the family, and they even say amen at supper. And everywhere, people are like that. Maybe it's a bandwagon thing. But I like to believe that everybody just likes to be happy and get along.

The gifts are just kinda like a bonus.

I really love listening to Christmas music, I like putting in the same dusty tapes in year after year, I like baking, and I like wrapping. I like decorating trees.

This is my tree. It's nice.

I think the oboe on top is a nice touch :)

So basically yeah. I'm a Christmas fan. I do Christmas-y things. I give Christmas gifts. I'm normal. But I love the spirit of Christmas most of all. It's worth noting since we hardly ever see it these days anymore. The cat stops chasing the mouse and we all eat nice food together. I like communities. I like peace.

God bless the world. Let there be peace among men. And most of all, I hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas with your families. I may be a hypocrite when I say this, but cherish your families, cause they are important. Peace out ya'll! :)

Reflect, little mirror, reflect.

Wow, so much reflection. So much has happened in the last few days that has been completely overwhelming, but reading a friend's few words on 2011 has gotten me into the "New Beginning" spirit. It's almost 2012, baby :)

In 2012, I:
will be in London for a few days.
will graduate from high school.
will go to college.
will do something purposeful with my life.
WILL find new love :)
will find and maintain my inspiration.
will continue to enjoy the same friendships that I refuse to let go of.
will make new friends.
won't be able to say for sure what I will do because the future is mysterious.

I can't wait. Because I will rise above myself a step up from before and will enjoy it.


In other news, my grandpa died last night. This is not something I wish to announce, but felt that I needed to honor him in my own way.
Dealing with death leading up to yesterday made me think about how unfair it is, yet at the same time, how beautiful it kinda is. It sharpens the mind. It floods people with pure sorrow that is unwanted yet so entirely refreshing. I feel cleansed and washed away. I feel like I can see clearly. I reflect back to those times so long ago when he would play baseball with me with my little plastic bat and ball or when he would chase me and my friends around, the scariest thing in the world. I remember how much he loved my dogs and all dogs, how the first thing out of his mouth in recent conversations was an inquiry as to the well-being of my furballs, and the way his eyes lit up when he was thinking about them. Or the way he religiously set out birdseed at their house for the regulars; they were his life. And the way he was so loved by all he met and all who knew him; he was a great man, and people were just drawn to that. Or even, when I was older and could understand, the way we talked politics and how passionate he was about the Middle East; no one dared talked to him about that if they wanted to escape quickly. Up to the end, he was hysterical, making jokes about drinking and sex, even when he didn't have his teeth in. The man knew how to have fun and, I swear, the room would twinkle with his happiness.
I'm going to miss him.

I wrote a poem about the last day I saw him, last Saturday, but, not only that, trying to capture his essence as well. It means a lot to me. Tell me what you think.

I Will Remember

One day you asked me,

not so long ago,

to paint for you.

To paint for you those you cannot see

and will never again hear.

Grandpa,

I painted for you

and for all the world,

I'm glad I did.

Red,

for the sweater vest she wore,

as she scribbled

the foreign symbols

that made perfect sense to you.

And she wore black,

dripped with turquoise

and splashing everywhere,

you loved her,

we know she loved you.

And the navy blue shirt he wore,

with his white memory box,

the latest and greatest,

you probably didn't understand,

but, if you could try,

you would.

Then she,

in her kerchief,

and you in your gown,

like something out of the Night Before,

 joined as she kissed you

without a sound.

All this I sketched,

no questions asked,

rapidly as time ticked on,

to put in the album

that will always last.

If only I had,

if only I had...

the words still burn,

was it enough?

Did I use the right pastels?

I can't be certain,

but I hope that it's true,

that you will always remember.

If not,

 I'll remember for you.

That's all for me today. Count down to London, Christmas, and New Year's ready to begin :) God bless. 

Love.

Elks and homes and lights and things.

Break may appear to let people off the hook. But I'm here to tell you...
I am totally as busy as I usually am.

Dumb oboe that takes up luggage room and space. Darn.
So many nice, lovely friends to see, waaaay not enough time.

Please try to stay out of that sort of trouble. I'm sucha mom.

And then, I just see how you were hurt and I'm sorry I acted the way that I did because that didn't help anything. And I wish I could take it back, because you are a sensitive and loving individual. And I just want you to be happy.

And I want to work with you. Well...it's not just you, but everyone else too. I want to share tearful and emotional moments with you, but my stupidity always holds me back. Not consciously, but because I won't give myself a break. I'm working on it.

Rawr rawr, sometimes I feel like a dinosaur stomping through a jungle angrily.

SO MANY PRETTY COLORS. I love Christmas.

Today I listened to practically nothing but Christmas music. It was nice.

Grandpa, I love you. <3

Now would be a good time for prayers, happy thoughts, and miracles.

Oh bloggity blog blog.

Oh man. Well I haven't really done much lately for this.
New phone.
Newfound ability to blog from said phone.
Build up build up build up.
Much frustration.
A bit of tension.

I just might explode soon.

You, stop it.
You, come here and make me happy.
You make me happy.
I miss a whole lot of you. Hang out?
Don't be mean please.
I am concerned for you. And you.

Sorry, just a few things I needed to say.

I still like mangoes :)

Four days til break!
I will be leaving for London at this moment in two weeks :)

And thank a whole bunch of you.

P.S. Look at how cute a kid I was :) and look at how cute Poppa is :) Daaaaw.

Behind slightly opened doors.

Well, it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? When was it last? I have no clue, but I feel bad so I am willing myself to do this.
Alright.
Here I go.

Hmmm...well, for starters, guess who I saw in concert last Friday? If you answered Jeff Carl, YOU WOULD BE CORRECT :) Not gonna lie, huge crack addict fan of his, bless him, and remember remember when I posted supportive things of him a while ago? Yeah! That was really nice and incredibly touching. He inspires me thoroughly.

The weekend was way long, a bit painful, both physically and mentally, and I am proud to say that this has been one of the few limited times of super sadness. But I think it might be better now, so I am working on contentedness and peace :)

Still, sorry, love. You know I mean it. And I'm trying to be better. Perhaps the days of happiness and joviality are soon to be upon us :) Christmas Christmas Christmas.

Alright, now for the rest of you. Saturday was lovely, I was pushed fairly far out of my comfort zone, but I think you would agree that it was needed. I know there is a lot I still need to say and a lot you still want/need to know and I think that the exchange will take place, if not slowly. I am sorry I have hurt you, even if perhaps  it is not hurt exactly, and you should know I am absolutely trying hard to change and will try hard. I love you all and there is lots of love and trust and jank, so...no worries, kay?

Can we bake cookies some time? Please? All of you :)

Hmm hmm hmm..what else? OH. I totally helped my former calc teacher decorate for Christmas yesterday when I was working at her house. She hung little horns up and a garland of fake pine and more of that around some lamp posts. It was nice and made me wish we decorated. But, cute story. When we were plugging in this fake garland (for it had pretty little lights all throughout it), she started talking to a cute metal hedgehog the way one might talk to a pet. It was adorable, not crazy, because she was like "Mr. Hedgehog, do you want a job? (Here she lifts the hedgehog and puts the extension cord under it) Here, sit on this. Good, that's good. Comfortable?" GOD BLESS HER. She is the most loving human being I have ever met and she cares about everything and everyone so genuinely. Plus, she is one of the cutest old ladies I have ever seen :) That made my day so much.

And this budget project. Well, after actually applying for power for an apartment I am pretending to buy in Washington D.C. with fake info and a landlord that lives on the property named Jill Jones and a telephone number that has actually only three different digits and after sending an apologetic and frantic email immediately after after realizing what I had done and finding the electricity rates on their page after all, I have had it up to my eyeballs with this thing. And that's only one teensy part of my project. Mad and sad face.

Alright, time to take down the utilities, which are extremely hard, by the way, for anyone who cares to know. Wish me luck!

Spontaneity is nice.

So basically, I'm a bit single-minded right now. As in I am only thinking about essentially one thing. Blahhhh, I knew it would be so hard. Oh yes, you knew it would be so hard as well. Haha, I'm pretty predictable, aren't I? Well, I wish things could just go as I want them to go, because any other way rips my heart apart into tiny little pieces. I am so confuseddddd, I get mixed signals from you, and I hope I respond the right way most of the time. I am sorry if I don't.

I HATE THE END OF VACATIONS. AND BREAKS. AND THE BEGINNING OF SCHOOL. It is so hard leaving some place where I've been shacked up for 6 days or so to go back to stress and other unpleasantries as a general rule of thumb, and you know it. It makes it especially hard when there are people who are interesting and lovely there with you, who do not live with you and will have to leave at some point. It sucks. haha :)

Ahhh well, silly me. Just being a goob. Because that is silly to say after a whole week. Haha. But I don't know, it feels like JLA all over again ;) Not the greatest, but I suppose it will heal with time :) We'll see.

In other news, guess which girl received her gold-plated Gold Award pin today? Err...sometime this week then I guess. But still. Things are falling into place, which is super le good :)

Ahhh, well. First of all. You two. Are ridiculous. But I love you both. Thanks thanks thanks thankssss you for the lovely basket of noms that I wish I were hungry for right now, that is super nice and makes me happy and feel undeserving to have two lovely lovely friends :)

My super happy get-better basket! 

The cute note.

AND THE HEART SHAPED GRILLED CHEESE :) ♥

On the other hand. Sometimes you guys are ridiculous. In the sense that you draw my inner, dark side out :( Which isn't always good. And I no want to kill things. Haha. For the world. So yes. All I need to say on here.

After an interesting surprise visit and a bajillion hour car ride and an oboe session, I'd say this has been a full day. I will miss you all, I am grateful for many of you, and I hope everyone has lovely night times :) Adiosss!

S.O.S.

Classiness all day, erryday.

Photo opt time. 

And we really just couldn't pass up the chance to take a picture with a rainbow waterfall.

Would really be thankful for a list of things to be thankful for right now.

So I went Black Friday shopping today. Got up at 3:50 to hit the local outlet mall area. It was exhausting. Although it was as fun as Black Friday shopping can be. I mean. Getting up early. Usually in the cold. Looking naystay. But, getting deals. Pretending to be intense and stuff and beating the crowd. It almost outweighs the bad ;) But you know. It was an interesting experience.

For the first time, I slept easily and nicely from like 8 to 3. Lawlcats.

Fiona and I walked Broadway at the Beach later, after we had awakened ourselves from the dead. That wassss fun, because that place is like a circus/amusement park/outdoor mall and very touristy. But entertaining. The tourist business knows what it is doing xD I enjoy the random pictures and boutiques and purchases.

Daaaw, the magical, wonderful "Sparkle Wish" princess!

I really really really really really want to build a blanket fort right now. That would be nice. I like those. Haven't made one in foreverrrr.

We just finished packing the vast majority of our stuff :/ The place looks infinitely better, but it is a-mucho sad that I have to leave and that I can't keep her in a box forever. haha. You know. Goodbyes are no fun.

The culmination of our mess after 6 days. Shoo boy. 

I hate human flaws and that you can't fix them. I really really hate it when you're aware of them too, in yourself. And you just sit back, watching yourself destroy everything in your path with them. Sorry isn't good because sometimes that is the flaw itself. Too much sorry.

Why does leaving always have to hurt so much? Why don't vacations forcibly make you feel better? When does life get easier? Why do I have so many questions? When do I get to stop asking questions?

Help?

Nom nom, peppermint brownies.

Ahhh, well. You know. Another day at the beach. Woo beans. Not much more to talk about there. It's like politics; the news doesn't cover a candidate's or politician's ideals mainly because they stay the same. Ha, government. Well, beach is staying the same. I don't really see the point in saying it again ;)

Today was pretty blah. You know. I like pools. But I like human happiness even more. And interaction. Yes :) haha. I just don't want vacation to be over before I've had a chance to feel like I'm on vacation for more than a minute. Not complaining. It could be worse. But it could be better.

 I hate school. And homework.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving ya'll. Please have happiness and no stress and no work and peace n blessings.

Yes.

You know what? Beach beach beach.

First day on the beach. Twas sandy. Lots and lots of sand. Oh dayng. So much sand. It got everywhere. I was displeased. But in the meantime, it was worth it. Naice naice photo shootsing. Nice nice subjects. Nice nice pichas. Nice scenery. Perfecto.

Yes. We had quite a few adventures at this time.

Including hunting down the bottle of yakisoba sauce used for our dinner. Nom nom NOM yakisoba, that stuff is REALLY REALLY like heaven on earth. We went to three different stores in Myrtle Beach looking for the most important ingredient, but our diligence paid off and we found it eventually :) What a proud moment in time for us. I would also like to promote the use of World Market, which is an AMAZINGGG store. So so much love. And fun things in it :)

So after the beach and the journey, we made yakisoba. And that was interesting. A few things didn't go according to the recipe and like we did at JLA, but Fiona and I persevered and came out with a pot full of nom and full tummys. I'd say...success :)

How was your day? :) Hope everyone is getting ready for the holidays! Stay happy!

A wonderful beauty in the eye of the beholder.

As a wise friend once said...or wisely quoted from someone, "Beauty is an action, not a noun. No amount of makeup, no style of clothing, no face structure or body type can give you what your actions can't." God bless, this is mucho of the trufactz right here. 




My life, is at the beach right now. That is very lovely and just...nice. Being at the beach means there is no school and not being in school makes me a happy happy camper. So that is alright and I am alright. And I like holidays and Thanksgiving and beachs and weekends and fun stuffs. You know what? I shall now proceed to have lovely meals and lovely dance parties and lovely dress ups and and lovely photo shoots and a lovely week :) Bedford County School Admin can't do a thing to stop me from having a good time and enjoying myself. Boom.


Well, I was GOING to put some pictures up of the beginning of my adventures at the beach places, but blogspot decided it was not a fan of this and so. Said no. Oh poops. Maybe tomorrow then.


RAPE IS BAD, NEVER PROMOTE IT.


All the sick people in the world should feel better. And eat moar chikin. 


That is all.
This has been a 'mergency public service announcement.


Jirian <3

Many words for an end, or uno.

Well ladies and gents, this is it, ONE MORE DAY LEFT UNTIL ONE OF THE GREATEST PERIODS OF TIME IN MY LIFE OCCURS. God bless America, let this Friday pass quite speedily and let her get here safely and quickly and let me have the time of my life before I go out and top that the following week. So. much. excitement. Not gonna lie.

Imagine what life would be like if all there was was "just talking" and refreshing pleasantries. I guess I shouldn't wish for that since I would be craving intelligent, profound conversation by that point, but it would be nice to have a little more of that in my life.

I am quite proud. I am completely wiped and it's scarcely 10 o'clock. Am I getting old or am I just sleep deprived? Is going to bed right now. This is good.

11/11/11 11:11

Well, there is no other title suitable for the day and moment :) Call me crazy, call me cheesy, but I love it and I appreciate it and I wished upon it twice. I think this is all I need to talk about this post :)

So I tried something new, in writing and wishing :) Immediately after, I just sat down and wrote my impressions and thoughts and just anything I was thinking about at that time. I don't think I'll say anything else, but just let ya read it now :)

11/11/11

11:12pm

I shall never forget it for as long as I live. Me, the kid who lived through one of the greatest events in history, never to happen again. The moment still lingers fresh in my mind as only moments ago, I wished upon the second and last 11/11/11 11:11, the last of the best. It was as if the world held its breath, the sound completely sucked away in preparation and awe. Some may call us crazy, those that believe in superstition and those that wish, those that dream. Yet we continue to observe and respect the natural forces that are inevitably at work here. As I sat in the silence, alone, waiting for that special moment, my breath began to become uneven, my palms began to sweat slightly. What was happening and why was this so important? I like to live with values and you value what you can when you can. The clock ticks, and suddenly, I'm swept into the magical vortex of the moment. Everything disappears as I travel with a speed that belittles light and sound. I close my eyes and begin to wish. And wish and wish and wish. I wish for solutions, I wish for enlightenment, I wish for new beginnings and a better life and somehow, I know that this is real. I know my wishes will come true. As I sink deeper and deeper into a dark trance, I slowly begin to turn, spinning faster and faster until suddenly, it's over. Just like that. One minute, no more, no less. And I realize that time goes on, that it WILL go on, that no one acknowledges important snapshots of history when they experience them, that it is all just a game. I realize that it is up to myself alone to maintain what I feel, think, and do and despite the shifts of others, I will always believe. Because I believe in magic, I believe in miracles, and I believe in wishes.

So yes. That is how I feel :) I'd be interested to hear what other people thought. 

Also, I highly recommend the movie Lemonade Mouth, even if it issss a Disney Channel Original Movie. Is nice and has a great concept and stuff. Not entirely cheesy on the part of Disney for once :) 

Alrighty, well. I'm off to have pleasant sleeps and dreams. Have fantastic, fun weekends! Until next time, you know the drill ;) 

Toodles! 

Free Time?

Lately, I've had a ton of free time. Iz real naice. No marching band, not much homework (since I do it at school), and I can sleep when I really need to. I've been doing a lot of writing. I forgot to post of the poems I wrote two days ago and tonight I just kinda wrote this...thing that doesn't mean too much, just something I felt compelled to write. Since I want to look like I actually have a lot to post, I'm only going to put one up tonight, the thing/paragraph of sorts. It doesn't exactly have a name either, but I felt obligated to give it one, therefore what you see is a tentative, ill-fitting name. Yeah.

Also, I like getting happy surprise notes or just happy surprises. They is nice. Ah laike. Thanks you, I appreciate your beans, dear, as I've said many times before :)

And oh, can't forget a special shout out to a friend who has been long lost to me (for a month or so, at least) for a time, but now is back. I have happiness :) Herro there, missy. Glad to see you back. Be happy, kay?

Alrighty, writing time.

The Underground

Here I am, racing through the dark corridor of the mind, the dark corridor of empty words and forced expressions. Heart pounding, silently, move faster, I run and run. I run because I can, because that is all they cannot take away from me. My life, my image, gone, melted away through reckless action and feeling. So I run, with a passion I haven't felt in a long time. I'm so consumed, so blinded, but it drives me, it is my life, with it I am human. I need it and it needs me, but I don't want it. My battered feet push faster, harder, against the grimy floors, I'm not sure that I won't slip. Just the endless expanse of black brick, slick with the drainage of this city, flowing, the river of death. And it leads me to the underworld. My teeth clench when I wheel around and around, desperately searching for a sign, a break in the conformity, so monotonous, it drills and I am helpless to stop it. Stop, they said, stop and give it a rest for a while. They don't understand. I would if I could, but I can't. See the halt, sweat beading in the corners and my hands clenched, open, close, open, close. Drops of blood trickle off my hand from where my fingernails have bitten into my skin, they have only done what they were told, the fault is mine. God, that isn't important right now. Focus, focus, keep your head in the game and don't screw it up like you did the last time. They said there was a ladder, just a mile back and forth, and the light. I thanked them, but what help were they? Back and forth, to and fro, I need a real sense here, not just the little game of hide and seek they loved to play. They had time to play, those rogues; we never saw anything other than the dusty coal mines they so depended on. So this was just another game. I need the portal, I need the way out. Now. Ba bum. Ba bum. Silence for a while. Helps me think as I run. A halt. Clang. Then nothing.

 Yepp, that's all I have for now. Have a lovely evening, have happiness, do well in yo studies, etc. Tata for now!

P.S. Be sure to wish on 11:11 tomorrow. I mean, hey, don't you want to say you wished on 11/11/11 11:11? :) And what if your wish really does come true? Keep the mind open to the possibilities!

I'm out :) 

Is teh time of ghouls and ghosties.

HAPPY HALLOWEENIE! Of course, I needed to say it. Tis the time of candies and costumes and masks and inceptions and scaries and funsies :) Kids can be kids and so can adults. I loves it. I'm a...girl in a dress and a mask and a cloak, so...a masquerader. Or Cinderella from Ever After for those of you familiar with that lovely movie. My last year trick or treating and Halloween in Lynchburg. Man, college steals so many things from you. But that's okay. I'm willing to sacrifice :)

I thank god for connections regained and the wonderful (some of them) people who have reentered my life. God bless you, keep smiling.

I haven't posted in foreverrrr. And that is sad. And will obviously change. With this post. Woo.
So what you have missed:
JF Marching Cavs winning VA Beach and a lovely beach trip with lovely individuals.
JF Marching Cavs getting SECOND at JMU Parade of Champions by only .5 of a point, which is amazingggggggg, and a revisit of GMU's campus and lovely facilities and aspects. That was lovely lovely. Lovely. I can't wait for college :)
Also, JF Marching Cavs getting their Superior rating at VBODA Festival Assessment and you know :) That was a fantastic performance in general. Yay.
So basically a lot of marching band stuffs. Marching band. /Was/ my life. Cause now we only have one game, Senior Night, and then the Christmas Parade and we're done! But not really. Cause we still have parade and London practice.
Oh, by the way,
THIS GIRL IS GOING TO FREAKING EUROPE. HECK YES. YAYYYYYYY. I'M GOING TO BE ON ANOTHER CONTINENT.
alrighty.

Anddddddd, tonight is Halloween. I am trick or treating. You already know this. But it's happy :) And that is all. Have a lovely night scaring and being scared and stay warmmmmmmm pleaseeeeee. Peace <3

I've got the blues.

The things that people don't tell you about your senior year: 1. It sucks realizing how you won't get to play with YOUR band this time next year. 2. It sucks realizing that you won't get to see your favorite band director everyday in a year. 3. It sucks realizing the fact that you won't get all the opportunities that the band you've been playing with has given you in a year. 4. It sucks realizing that you aren't going to see all those awesome band faces in a year. 5. It sucks realizing that it's your last year and all you can't stop thinking about is that it's your last year.


This is basically true facts right here. I miss band. I will miss band. I feel like I already left. But. I haven't. And I will cherish the time I have left, for sure, absolutely. I know it's absolutely silly to worry or even think about this right now, but I can't help but realize that one of the greatest families I have ever been a part of will soon be gone from my life and I don't like it. 

Mirrormask

Quiet rooms,

tucked away in the depths

of warm, welcoming,

cold house.

Bare

but for the 

click 

of the rocking chair.

Window,

bringing gray, dusty

light, drifting,

settle like snow.

One mirror,

broken shards

scattered,

many faces gaze

up, 

when I look down.

Alternate world, 

land of the flat and abstract,

painted canvas

come to life.

Barred by delicate

barrier,

angels scream fury,

a fiery depth,

no more than

locked away.

The whir of the cogs,

ever working,

time ticks,

ticks,

rocking chair,

click,

steady, a beat,

heart,

life.

Thump,

silence, 

thump. 

Glowing calm,

silent,

all away in the

stillness.

Happy revelation,

unfettered comtemplation,

restraints,

no, 

natural,

masquerade.

Just something I wrote recently, needed to do it, you know. I think it's pretty scattered and all over the place, very hasty because I was /being hasty/ at the time. Thoughts? 

Sometimes I look back over what I have written thus far in this bloggity blog. And it kinda seems like I'm just talking to myself to hear myself talk. Kinda funny :) 

Once in a Lifetime.

Well. Today was decent and pretty happy, as have the past three or four days been :) I don't know, I seriously must have eaten some seriouslyyyyyyyyyy happy beans lately cause I am happy happy happy :) It's fabulous and different. haha.

Almost done with the GMU app! WOOOO! First college, here I come :)

So today, a happy Mexican server made my day. I went out to eat after band practice with a few friends and I had a nommy taco salad. It was delicious :) And I asked for it with no meat or beans. And when the waiter came, he was like "Taco esalad with no...no nasssing." How happy :) And embarrassing.

I want to write happy, thoughtful things about important things, not my life. Hmmm...later, when I think of something good :)

Adios!

Potterhead 4evah.

I'm just going to flat out be a super nerd and give my current stats about my life at Hogwarts and in the wizarding world in general. If you are a Potterhead like me, Pottermore is truly one of the greatest things that has happened to me in a while. I don't even feel like talking about much else aside from that. So. Here I be.

Name: JinxDawn183
House: Gryffindor
Wand: Elm, dragon, 14 and 1/4th, brittle
Pet: Ginger kitteh

I have done a total of 10 good things for Gryffindor, which is pitiful. haha.
I don't even want to say anything else and just live in the high of Hogwarts and magic and Pottermore.
Hokay.
Toodles ya'll :)

Have a magical day.

I feel like I don't update this thing enough, it's quite sad really. Like I'm neglecting a child or something. But, I keep putting some writings in now and then and I really apologize for their terrible state of normalcy and teengerness. You know. Oh bother...haha.

So the only exciting thing of my day. WAIT. I have a few things actually. One, I TOTALLY GOT MY CONFIRMATION EMAIL FROM POTTERMORE WOOO! :) JinxDawn183, hit me up :)

Secondly, I went to Senior Regional Orchestra tryouts yesterday. Oh man, those were intense because every instrument was looking around for other members of their section with contempt and competition in their eyes...Dang yo. Peace and harmony much? Well, I'm mostly just happy that I did what I wanted to do for myself: remain calm, don't mess up too badly. Could have done better, but hey! I didn't fail completely. I actually got 7th...out of 9 xD My other goal was not to get last and I beat the people I wanted to beat. I'm happy :)

Thirdly, god bless Alana. haha. FINALLY someone wants to start an actual band and once silly marching band is done, we'll both have enough time to actually start one. She made my day/night. Fo' real :)

I think that is all that I have to offer at present, so just...keep all your heads above the water and do great things! Yes.

Poop tank.

Don't hurt me for the title and all, it just accurately describes my day really xD It was alright, you know, you know. As school days go.

We had club day today. My lovely National Honor Society club was deleted because only two people, including myself, signed up. I'm cool.
Yay silly study halls!

I like creative writing. And writing creatively.

So I have a funny story before I leave for now. On the way to marching band practice, I got stuck behind the slowest moving vehicle of all time. But I'm glad it was moving slowly and cautiously. Because I got stuck behind the port-a-potty pump truck. You wanna know how I know that? Aside from having "Discount Portable Restrooms" written all over it, aside from the slogan "You dump, we pump," aside from the giant tank and nozzles on it, I COULD SMELL IT. YUCK BEANS. Anyways, after I got out of that tragic situation, I thought it was hilarious that I was a teensy bit late to practice because I was stuck behind...the poop truck. Lawlcats :)

Has a good night and stuffs! :)

New life.

So I would just like to take the time to point out right now that a) after I finish this post, I am going to bed. Which never happens before 12. But it will tonight :) I am proud of myself. and b) Jeff Carl, local musician, has changed my life. He is wonderful. I will post links to his youtube page and free EP download site/bandcamp at the bottom. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. He makes me happy. I felt so inspired that I have now began a new project which may or may not involve him. Updates to follow as soon as I finalize more :) Not a bad night.

You there, I am concerned for you, but want you to know that I definitely love you and will be anyone you need me to be. No worries.

Another person over there, you make me extremely happy. I hope I don't hurt you, but you and I both want the other's mutual happiness, so this may work out. Best of luck to me and you.

And finally, you. I'm sorry for all I have done, for all I may do. I think you may be fine, but I need to know for sure to put my mind at ease. I hope this doesn't let anything bad come between us. We need the normal life, eh?

Sorry, just a few shout outs to some very important people in my life. You know who you are :) Have a fantastic night and be happy and do something creative and live!

Jeff Carl's youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/jeffcarl

His bandcamp site, where you will find a free download of his new EP out. Spread the word! http://jeffcarl.bandcamp.com/

I feel so legit endorsing an artist ;)

Fire me up.

So this week and weekend have been crazy and hectic and lots of things. I haven't stopped moving until today, it's crazy. Never knew anyone could be so tired in my whole life. But I stopped moving today. Thank goodness.

You know what is a fantastic movie? Sleepover, that's what. Ahahaha, makes me laugh rather hard. It's wonderful :)

You know what dumb thing I did tonight? I shocked myself getting my computer cord out of the wall and it wasn't funny at all. I actually jumped back in that kind of cartoonish way. And it hurt a lot. haha. No me gusta.

Life is alright, listen to Jeff Carl often <3

As Frail As Straw.

Knew my happiness wouldn't last. There go those golden days again. I find myself repeating this cycle often...

What happened? How did I completely break off from the one person I truly felt happy around and never once had any problems as far as communication. Now its like we hardly even know each other and starting back at that same, awkward square one. I miss her and I miss the way things were moments ago.

It bothers me to no end, I can't help but worry about it constantly. I'm past the point of apologies; they would probably only make things worse. Probably. Knowing me and how quickly I can ruin my life in seconds.

It's like there is nothing I could say, nothing that won't make me or her uncomfortable or get the point across. RAWR, I wish there were something. I wish for a miracle. I hate waiting in agony meanwhile :/

Well, I have much to do, not enough done, and little time to finish it in. What else is new? I work without ceasing for what? Nothing, apparently. Another chance to ruin my life. I'm sorry dear :/ Anyways. I guess I can't sit here any longer typing nonsense that will be irrelevant to 99.9% of who reads this. I don't want to give up. I'm sorry.

Cherry Amaretto.

This weekend has, when looking back on it, been great. I love spending all my time with people I could spend all my time with forever. Really really great. Some complications, but I'm trying not to worry about them and hoping for the best.

When will summer get here? Really. I like having my time for myself and doing what I want most of when I want to and staying up late without paying dearly for it. I don't feel like adjusting back to real people time again.

I value my time that is good right now. Never know when the darkness may hit. I'm glad I am what and who I am today and right now.

That's all I have to say about that. :D

Random fun fact: above title was the ice cream selection of the evening. Yum.

Scaramouch.

Today was really not a bad day; a pretty darn good day, in fact. I quite enjoyed myself.

Starting with the incident this morning. To make a long story short, power went out at 6am. Woke up precisely the same time. Thought I was still dreaming. Quickly realized otherwise and panicked. Got big flashlight. Was better. The end :D

I really like the rain. And thunderbolts and lightning (Twenty brownie points to those who get what I just did.) It made everything peaceful and calm. Should be raining all week :D Yay!

Homework done early is nice. Getting help on things one doesn't get is good too. Yes.

I want to help all my friends and make them happy. Wish there was something to make me able to take on this burden.

Happy people, you. Yeah you. You're awesome; you know who you are. Thanks :D

Marching band was happier than usual today. Dunno.

DARUMA.

Other than that, I think I've simplified an emotional spout :D Have a Happy Tuesday!

How do you like your corn?

Well. This has been an interesting day, yes. Certainly the most unique corn maze adventure yet in all...oh, eight? years going there. haha. It was one of my last, after all :/

You know what? I am a winner, a record breaker. Longest time to get through the entire corn maze, getting all 15 piece and filling in all 12 "Mad-gical Libs." 2 hours and 15 minutes of win. Yes. It really happened. Intercom announcement through the entire farm and everything. Can you tell I'm strangely proud? ;)

The first blank should read "Jillian Gogel, 2hrs 15min." Rookie mistake is all :D 

So the theme this year was like, princess theme, "Once Upon A Time.." It was interesting, yes. I wasssss a fan of all the Disney music they played whilst we were drudging through the corn. I think this year was made for me or something.

Aside from winning being a loser, the other thing of note was that, for half of the maze, I was actually flying solo. What started out as a family of four quickly lost a member when Mom decided she had had enough and took the Quick Exit and all. Pshaw, no, I no do that kind of thing. Then, in the like...most obscure part of this 5 acre dungeon, it appeared to me that father and sister pulled "let's leave" on me. Accordinggggg to Dad, they only stopped for a quick photo opt, but I really do know better. Bad timing is all. I totally waited for five minutes for any sign of familial relations, but once no one showed up, I abandoned ship feeling quite put out. I mean, what if I wasn't able to get out of a SEA of corn? Lawl lawl, I did though, wooo! Anyhoo. It was nice being alone, because I could do as I pleased.

It's kinda funny though...I apparently made some acquaintances along the way because I came across the same three or four families like a billion times. At one point, I actually traveled with a random family who I did this to because I asked them for assistance and we ended up conferring extensively. You know you've met someone when you tell them what college you plan on going to and what you want to study. xD And then, after I got out and met up with the rest of the Brady Bunch, we were walking out and who should I pass by but a family I ran into in the most despairing of spots several times. xD You know what the husband did? He looked at me, smiled, chortled, then held out his fist. We then proceeded to fist bump each other. Is this peculiar to you guys? Cause if not, I'm just going to feel free to be immensely pleased and happy with this. I should have asked to take a picture with him...haha. 

Anyhoo, I've written extensively about things that you might or might not be pulling your hair out at. I'll put up a few pictures of this adventure.

Yay sunburn, lovely strangers, Isaac's sandwiches afterwards, Sight and Sound Theater's production of "Joesph" (the fabulousssss biblical theater company who can be compared favorable with Broadway and whose shows are always breathtaking. Might I just say that this was by far my favorite :D), Lancaster, amish people, and families although we don't always get along. Today has been good. Let's keep it that way :D 

I also like it when people are happy to see or be around me. You know. Tis flattering :D That is all. 

Pretty Amish flower horsey.

Jambo!

I is a serious adventurer.

Prettay mermaid face.

That is a lot of corn. Finally made it to that crucial bridge.

The cute potato mailboxes that the game pieces are always in.

Bafflement in the straw maze. 

Renaissance tomorrow! Definitely DEFINITELY (should) have good pictures from that :D

Blue Ridge Wonders

*still in the car*


Attempted project? Maybe. Okay.

Well, the landscape of these gorgeousssss Blue Ridge Mountains is so gorgeousss, as you might imagine ;) I don't have the proper technique or camera to take an adequate picture, so I might try to describe with my words. No form, no nothing, just, description :D hah. We'll see how this goes.

Horizontal line.
Flatlined heart.
An ocean.
Three precise blues, forming the perfect melody.
Expansive, nothing else for as far as the eye can see.
Clean slate, blemish free. Pure.
Majestic, only a higher force could have put them there.
The blush of sunset, peeking shyly up behind.
Misty clouds, gray, without depression or sadness, calm, air brushed, moist.
Enveloping, as warm as a blanket.
Welcoming parties are just as hearty.
Imposing, threatening, announcing their great presence.
Learned, wise, ready to hear what will be said.
Faint, baby blue at the uppermost points, softly wrapped in the clouds, the gods need care and attendance too, a mountain's offspring.
Plateau, could have set dinner atop it.
Rigged backbone, sturdy, withstanding of any and all obstacles.
Tourist carnival, a playground, billboards occasionally pepper the edges.
A sentinel of trees stand guard at the base, fiercely loyal, protective until the end.
A being.

Disclaimer: This is not a poem...or was not intended to be a poem. Judge accordingly.

all cranked up.

A Golden Fleece

Night,
kingdom of the youth,
perfect opportunity for
the rise of Confucius,
soulful exchanges,
brain children sprung from the ashes.

Lounge in chair,
elbow on desk,
head in hand,
focus your concentration
towards the words that
changed
your
life.

She was a butterfly,
flighty and sweet,
flies with the wings of an angel.
Delicate curl,
wistful smile,
heart already given to goodness.

Day after day,
night after night,
the life force flew through
her,
she braved the elements,
defiant in her continuation.

What a sight to behold,
her shadowy figure emerging from the rubble,
tucking a wisp of hair behind ear,
brush off and
push forward.

Time passed,
so did the goodness from the land.
Dark slowly closed in,
a defect of time,
of memory,
of the heart.
Treacherous smoke
billowed about,
an insult in her face.

Will she,
did she,

succumb?

Tendrils of poison
snake in
and out,
servant of a power so terrible,
ancient roots rising
and crumbling,
ever present.

A lurking mist advances menacingly,
the chipmunks fled
before It.
Reveal,
through the fog...

Our glassy eyed heroine
trudges slowly,
is the last hope
gone?
Gleam,
in her eyes.

Speechless,
breathless,
no movement required.
The silence is enough.

You heard it,
contemplate it.
Thoughts before action,
speak before you disappear,
in the wormhole.

The tell-tale sign?
Nothing,
devoid.

Save a faint gleam in your eye...

That one was for you, dear :D 

Twirl the colors

*a day later than expected*

Well, I'm on the road to the Pennsylvania as we speak, staring listlessly out of the window as the Blue Ridge Mountains and countless fields and pastures fly by. It's quite exhilarating riding in the car with Father Gogel xD Speed demons roam the world, indeed.

I'm so ghetto that I need to write and save this in Wordpad because there is no interwebz in the middle of the highway. I like that, though, releases me from the distractions and temptations of Facebook and the like.
The best part of getting this laptop is that I can write nearly whatever I want to in the car and not feel too terribly sick. Woo beans! I might write a poem even :D

Just rest stopped. Wendy's. Blech. I no eat and nom the fast foods. Fast foods are fast...in giving heart attacks. haha. Anyways. We stopped for noms and mi madre y yo both got salads. I never trust fast food salads. But I was hungry. So I did. Two seconds back on to the road, we looked around for teh silverwares...and found none. Nommy salads with spoons. Woop woop. You kind have to...jump the whole spoon with your mouth in one bite if you don't want the salad to fall off. I quickly mastered the technique and stand (or sit) here before you a member of this dying art's club. Oh man, I can't wait to see all the random adventures that will happen upon me, as I certainly don't happen upon them. Pennsylvania should be fun.

I will try to update regularly on the trip, as that almost achieves "normal blog" function, and post pictures as well about the crazy jank sure to go down. Have fun doing what you're doing and make sure to send extra fun my way as I sit for several more hours in this car...

Wooo! New poem :D

Medium cheddar.

I like days like today. Not too much going, but not in a boring way. Not in a relaxing way either, but enough to wander through life at an unfrantic pace. The weather was sunny with slight breezes, my room and school as cold as ever, not too terrible assignments given, all homework completed by 4. Life is alright :D

I like video chats, yes I do. I like video chats, how bout you? :D You make me happy. Stay chill, my friends!

CLoUdy.

The past few days have been something to fight through, that's for sure. Mostly outrageously horrid. It's a wonder I'm still alive and kicking...

Thoughts of the future are the only things that keep me going.

Looky there, in such a funk that I have hardly enough will to write a sentence or two. God bless America.

I was laughing as I ran through the rain.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry that I don't update more regularly. It's not like I owe you anything, but blogging feels like something I should do with more consistency. I'll work on it.

I still like mangoes :D
The crazy amount of homework I have is incredible, just incredible. The first week of school has hardly finished and already I cart most of my books around and have long reading assignments. Blah, I'm tired.
I miss having summer freedom. I love spontaneity.

Yesterday, I talked to a really good friend I hadn't in a while. It was nice :) I just kinda disappeared into a world of happy people and government and although not an ideal companion, the conversation was fabulous just the same. I've missed you dear <3

Marching band is just starting to pick up; here's where we make or break things. First football game tomorrow, wish me luck on all that nonsense! Bassss guitar :D

I really wish there was just peace among men in the world. I hate all the conflicts going on and I'm sorry the two sides have to face off against one another. We're better than that and you know it. Still, in a sense, it's almost necessary. What happens happens and I still everyone just the same no matter what ♥

This is another Jack Johnson evening, maybe some Coheed & Cambria in there too. Ahh, homework finished, music playing, curled up in bed, life is good :D Night you guys, be happy and merry and let the good times roll!

Just for the record...I think I may, at some point, write a poem to the above post title :D Too happy to pass off.

So very excited I managed to produce another one.

Poem as I promised. Let me know what you think :D


The Anarchist's Creed

The hustle, the bustle,
the light windy rustle,
school's here,
gathering its children
in hungry arms,
expectant of the new possibilities.

A fighter,
a rebel,
she's not gonna let it
take her away
from her comfort circles.

Too much to process,
all in a rush,
an excitement,
explosion,
a happy outburst.

Seperate but equal,
a divided nation,
she was found
but now lost,
not the way things should go.

In one breathless second,
the atomic world fused,
bridges quickly assembled,
boundaries crossed with ease,
free as birds
and no less flighty.

Point A and Point B
make up Point C,
C,
that magical, wonderful place.
A final destination,
cloud city,
floating on the wisps of the sky.

People come and go,
so did she,
and go she did.
Vowing never to leave,
connected to the heavens,
fate would have her ripped away
from a celestial family.

I may speak in tangents,
rambling with no end in sight,
but that girl, the rebel,
she,
she still lingers,
dust in the universe,
a star in the night.

Institutions won't hold her,
the slippery thing,
heavy bricks of knowledge
never forced to be carried.
So try as they might,
that school won't get everyone,
because that girl,
slipping softly away in the moonlight,
is me.

The last first day.

Wow. Just had the most amazing weekend in the whole wide world. It hurts thinking about it and realizing I can never relive that particular moment ever again. But it was absolutely spectacular. Those kinds of weekends need to happen all the time before school starts. I'm even okay with that.

School.
Ugh.

Yepp, it's my time to start tomorrow and frankly, I'm not too worried or anxious or anything. I will definitely sleep well, I will have plenty of time to get ready, I will have a fabulous outfit, at least for one day, I will adjust to my classes, life will go on. I can make it to the next great moment in life.

Marching band is less stressful than last year. That's beautiful. I have a solo or two, but it's no biggie. Apathy? Just tired? Senioritis? Dunno :D I have a plan and I will carry it out.

The most stressful things are finalizing my Gold Award soon, college applications, and raising money for London. If anyone has any monies they want to donate to a great cause, I'm your girl ;)

I feel like I'm just ranting and venting right now. Just have a rush of emotions and quickly need to get them on permanent cyberspace. Yes. It's not like I can ask how you are doing or anything. Tell me how you're doing?

I'm excited. I'm in the process of writing my first poem since May or something. Been a loooong time. But I'm back.

It was like a part of me was missing. I started writing in a somewhat rhyme (is this even English?...) and it was like. boom. spark. Jillian is back :D

What to say, what to say...hmmm...I love Fiona <3 That is a happy bean right there. Yes. Can't wait until Thanksgiving, girl :D

SARAH. HI. BE HAPPY AND CUTE AND MORE HAPPY :D I'll make you if you don't :D

Okay, momentary...whatever...over :D

I'll post the poem tonight, as a tag along to this post. I'm excited. Is it elementary writing or is there improvement? :D Yay progress!

I think I love you all. ♥

Poetic complications.

I think I may start posting some of my poems on here. Since this is a creative writing blog and such. And, because I can. I would love to know what people thought of them. So here is my first offering.

First Love

Flying.

Trees flash by in a blur.

The moon rises high,

my hair writhing in the wind.

Beneath my hand,

flexing bundles of muscle,

stained with chestnut softness,

son of the wind.

Sire of a noble lineage,

kindhearted, brave,

gentleman to the last breath,

a faithful companion

to friends of the wind.

With majestic power

he races,

against time, a time traveler,

unstoppable force

for the good of humanity.

A humble abode

for a noble friend,

raw planks guided

by wise carpenter's hand,

a mattress of straw

for the prince of nature.

Handsome and bold,

black, curly locks,

a star glimmers softly,

brother of the night sky,

marking goodness.

His brethren are like him,

possessing grace and finesse,

preferring to spend days

contentedly, blissfully,

rolling fields of grain,

shady relaxation,

splash of minerals. 

Gaze into his eyes,

those compassionate, knowing eyes.

Release thoughts and mind

to the protective warmth

of shimmering, heaving chest. 

I lost myself long ago

in the power of those eyes,

became a sister of the clan,

to a quality so alluring,

charming,

futile resistance impossible.

Now I ride,

a goddess in the sky,

with my steed, no boundaries stand,

a thief upon the wind. 

Eh, let me know what you think. It really would be interesting. I'll write a new post once I wake up and my creative juices are flowing.

The luscious smell of grilled foods.

Week two of band camp. Over. Life is good. More sleep to be had. Really really good.

Yesterday, the best birthday present ever came in the mail. Mangoes in a box. Mangoes in a freaking box sent for $6 rich dollars as a belated birffday present. Don't care what she says. That is freaking cool.

I like the United States Postal Service. Everywhere but Charlottesville apparently they are speedy and get things to you in days. Lovely. I love love love getting mail. But now I have to write back. Oh dear. Small price to pay for an adequate communications tool.

My sister is having a cookout tonight with a few of her friends. Just cause. When did this memo arrive that we're allowed to have random parties? I never got that one. Gotta get out of the house tonight. Tehe.

Keep smiling! Have a fantastic Saturday :D

Spiraled doodles.

Although life sucks major booty being a teenager, if you think about it, it's also kinda nice. The rare, small moments make living okay for another hour or so. I like being able to jangle my keys and wave them around and create a danger zone around me because I have a lanyard. I like rolling down the windows on blistering hot days, blasting the music, and relishing that my parents can't touch me then. No one can. I like goodbye waves from friends who live down the same road as you...ish. I don't like driving enthusiastically, but I appreciate the fact my parents have enough faith in me to get errands done. I like crashing on the couch, splayed across it in the typical senseless fashion, and having my younger sister be disgusted by my state of after-band-practice tiredness. I don't care, what blessed relief.

I'm tired, I'm a mess, band is over for the day, hallelujah. Oboe lesson: vanquished. I have nothing to do now but shower, eat, and hang out with people I enjoy. What a life.

I thought today would end poorly, but its looking brighter and brighter :D Like stars.

In other news, I stayed up foolishly until 1 last night matchmaking and having extraordinary conversations. It was worth it. Two identical people who might as well be on the opposite sides of the planet are wonderfully awkward, wonderful, and perfect for each other. They just can't see it yet.

Challenge accepted. Just you wait.