Someone I used to know.

I have so been thinking a lot lately. It's really not good.
And I also wonder if this mood/phase, whatever you want to call it, I'm in right now is an annual thing. I know I did it last year. It wasn't a happy party, let me tell you. I don't know, I just wonder if I'm condemned to do this until the end of my days.

It's hard. It's hard losing someone you thought you had. I wonder if I even had. I hate that I'm not sure on this point, because it is apparently easy to build walls to block me out with. What happened? What kind of person are you? I thought I knew.
You were my savior, the only person for a while who would carry my burdens with me. I was amazed by how resilient you were and how much you gave and cared for others. You were a good person. You were the Good Samaritan, so it seems, but I guess they too have to travel on.

I thank you for what you have done and the person you have made me. You were too good to me and I knew it wouldn't last forever. But now it's time to think of the good memories we had and the many beautiful things that did indeed come out of this. It was incomplete at times and I certainly have regrets.

But now, I'm just trying to let go.

My inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY

Rolling.

There has been much sadness,

the going is hard and the pain,

crippling.

We won't always know where we are going

nor have we been able to see our footsteps and paths,

all seems lost.

But it isn't.

Not yet.

The world is in Perpetuum Mobile,

going and going and going...

It's a river,

the bottom unknown and murky,

we have to take the risk

when we carefully place each foot down,

to sink into the mud.

But don't be afraid,

don't even be disgusted,

enjoy it.

Just let loose.

I emphasize,

what's the worst this mud can do?

It's just a bunch of minerals and teeny weeny rocks,

and wet.

It got a little dirty, sure,

but it means you no harm.

Don't you remember those days

when we went to the river,

the peaks,

the rocky shores that we slipped down and splashed at the end,

yeah, those days,

those carefree days

of spring and summer.

It was nice kicking off our shoes after church,

and just wading into the cool water to soak it in.

It was our life,

and now,

we don't have those rivers,

they've dried up long ago.

That's why we make our own.

No excuses,

none at all.

Make your river,

you can do it.

Just sit down, breathe, and begin.

I know life has been hard,

and life will always be hard,

it's such a shock because

we never knew this.

We were young,

we had fun, and now,

now reality sets in.

But embrace it,

because you just stepped into the river

and you wonder why you are wet.

Don't be silly.

There is so much to enjoy.

And all of it,

you can make and build and develop,

LOOK, look at the black screen in the back of your mind,

now concentrate,

and imagine the colors begin to appear,

slowly at first,

like a shy innocent,

but then when it takes off...

a dance.

Waltz.

Free.

Yours.

Look at the power we all hold,

we are powerful,

we are beings of strength,

and it's hard to realize this sometimes.

Most of the time.

But it's the little things,

the tiny sparks,

that set our world in motion.

Find your inspiration,

your aspirations,

your goals,

your dreams,

in music, literature, sketchings,

and beyond.

In a bottle cap,

in the dust on the highway,

a leaky faucet,

lined paper.

If you look hard enough, you will find.

It's there.

See it.

Don't ever forget the magic of a moment. 

And I almost forgot...

Here. Is the experiment of a few minutes. In which I make a poetic statement about showers.
I found it amusing. What do you think? :)

A Philosophy on Water and Stillness

Drip drip.

That's absolutely fine.

Nothing can be done about it,

and nobody really minds.

Turn the knob

and watch it fall,

down,

     down,

all the way down.

To the bottom,

where it just is no more.

And that's absolutely fine.

Nobody will miss it,

it's just a drop or two,

the journey is what's important,

and the residue.

Why must things be so lovely?

Not all,

this is perfectly true.

But sometimes,

when you're thinking,

you just need a moment

and a waterfall.

Unassuming and undemanding,

feel free to stay a while.

Get wrinkly, have froggy fingers,

bring your favorite rubber duck.

But once you're in, you're in,

it doesn't stop til the end.

I think it's time to think

and what a better place to do

than a quick little trip,

but be sure not to slip,

into your neighborhood's

favorite tub.

The worst things in life

are the best at their game

in that watery little cave,

of meditation and waves.

So do not fret

and do not fear,

when you are seized by a moment,

remember to always return

to your neighborhood friendly bathtub.

NOW that is all.

<3

I'm not going to pretend to not talk about Imogen here.

I've been so overwhelmed with Imogen today, it's not even funny.
She is amazing.
All there is to it.

And to make things even better now, she is coming out with a new album. But not exactly like "a new album," since she's already released four songs and releases them every 3 months aka as soon as she finishes them. It's going to take three years. But it's amazing. What she has done.
Because each song is a project and each changes the world in some small way.
No seriously, it's amazing.
I can't get over it.
First, her soundcloud.
Here: http://soundcloud.com/imogenheap
Which has the first four songs, plus some lovely little odds and ends.
I teared up listening to them.
They are beautiful.
Someone believe me.
I'm not just crazy and a die-hard fan.
I feel like a mental health patient or something.
But for instance,
"Minds Without Fear"
Incredible.
It's a play off a traditional Indian saying that like...occurred with the resistance of the 30s or so. And talks about how they would carry their heads high. A song of hope and spirit. And she teamed up with an amazingly soulful Bollywood kind of artist, Vishal-Shekhar, and they traveled all around the city collecting sounds that they created or heard.
Ah.
Everything
she does
is art.
God save the queen.
Episode from an interesting documentary series about this, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JvTwd4mTwQs
Lastly, her site itself, in the flesh. Enjoy. http://imogenheap.com/
One must really research her, not just listen to her music, in order to see how truly great she is and how much of a genius she is, but most people aren't really willing to give up their time like that. Ah well, they're there if you want.
I feel like such a dork.
I really do have better things to do with my time, I promise.
Like read Gulliver's Travels.
And not study for gov ;)

On another note, this weekend I've felt like I've truly had no friends, just because of how I didn't really see anybody and the way I try too hard and the way some people have pushed me away. Oh well.
For other reasons, this weekend was fantastic.
I might have gotten caught up on sleep! :)

Stay fresh and flowy!

British money is pretty. Pounds and pence and sense.

Wow. So long ago. I haven't talked to you in a while. Hi.

(Translating a story into Spanish right now. I totally thought I had to translate that top line. Haha.)

I've decided, that I really don't like being the main subject of someone's blog post :/ You know you're bad when...
Especially not if it's not happy.
God grant me the ability to create peace and happiness.

So.
I went to London. And came back almost a week ago from tomorrow. Wow. That's so crazy.

I feel somewhat obligated to write a post about it, but I haven't had any time or will.
Just like putting up pictures. Ut oh. haha.

That place is amazing. As I've been saying, I could definitely and seriously and easily live there. It's like, a country city. And so hipster and wonderful and romantic and exciting. Ahhh. So much love. It's just the unexpected atmosphere of the place. Something warming inside.
The food is quite...bland and flavorless, compared to American food. It's so natural. Some of it is better, some of it...not so much. I recommend Pret a Manger for sammichs and nice things and for rainy days and NOT Garfunkel's, unless you're in the mood for a chapstick flavored smoothie or an omelette that looks like a large, tan, kinda wrinkly burger. Ha...

And the people have so much class. I feel like even the hobos dress well.
And it doesn't have smog. Or dirt roads. Or toooooo many cobblestoned areas. Just to let you know ;)
And no horse and buggies. But I did see some cool mounted police.
The police wear those distinctively British police hats. For real.
And telephone booths really are red. Haha.

And British accents are easy to get used to. But not to understand all the time.

There's something fabulous about going to an extraordinarily fabulous place for a week to escape from life and school and stress and bad things. And going with good people. And structured reasons.
I marched in the real life London New Year's Day parade. For real. :)

So much to see, so much to do, so much to tell.
I mean. You know all the history stuff.
Big Ben isn't as tall in real life as you think.
St. Paul's isn't as scary to climb as they say. But still.
The London Eye is tall. It could compare to me ;)
Windsor Castle is magnificent. It feels like a real castle.
So does the Tower of London.
Westminster Abbey might have been my favorite place we went to. If I haveeeeeeeee to pick under life or death conditions. It was extraordinarily powerful.
Trafalgar Square might also be argued as my favorite. I like that tall, pointy monument :) To Lord Nelson, that lovely war hero or whatnot :)
Oh gosh. Yeah.
London is so...English.

God save the Queen. Forever and ever and ever.
Also, bring a portable trash receptor. There are no trash cans.
Anywhere.